This has to be a dream....

I'm still hoping and praying that Aaron and I breaking up is all just one HORRIBLE nightmare.

It's been one week now... and I'm almost ready to give up on waiting for him. I'm terrified that he won't come around. I'm terrified that he and I will never be together again. I'm such a mess without him - I have such a hard time doing normal everyday activities. I'm just... not human without him.

Without him, my million dollar family is ruined :(

I just want him back. No one can understand how badly I want him back and why. I'm not complete without him. Our family was SO close to being complete. A dad, mom, son and daughter. Now, my family is missing 25% of it's heart.

Our daughter has his nose. I realized today when I had my ultrasound. That's when I also realized I can't wait around forever for him. I need him to be ready for a family and willing to be involved now, or never. I can't just wait around for him to be ready. Even if he's not *ready*, why can't we be together and grow together? I could help him =(

I just wish this was all a horrible dream...

Future Reminders!

http://punkrawkmom44.proboards58.com/index.cgi

Wyatt would like to introduce...

His baby sister... Selena Isabelle

Dear Aaron

You came first.
We are now engaged, we have a son, and our second child is on the way. But, before them, you came first.
Even though we started dating when Wyatt was already here, you still came first.
I knew you were the guy for me before Wyatt ever came along, it's seeing you and him together that makes it more obvious to me.
You came first, you come first, and you will always be first. You are the most impostant part of the little family we have started. How can there be a family without a mommy and a daddy?
You come first. Remember that...
You come first.

TOMORROW

Xavier Damien or Selena Isabelle TOMORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROW!!!

New Baby...

I don't even think I want this baby.

I do not feel connected with this baby like I did with Wyatt when I was in early pregnancy with him. I don't feel a bond, a connection, or even love, between myself and Seahorse.

I just... simply... don't want this baby at this point and time. And we tried for this baby, Wyatt was far from planned.

Why do I feel like this? Will this pass?

Big News....

Seahorse is due on June 2nd, 2009. I want all the sticky dust I can get... I don't even want blue dust, just sticky for now! Aaron is over-the-moon excited, I'm scared. STICKY DUST!!!

I already have a fear that I won't love Seahorse as much as I love Wyatt... and Aaron won't love Wyatt as much as he loves Seahorse =(