Movies? Possibly, possibly not

Tonight I asked Jeremy (Dorey) if he wanted to go to the movies with me on the weekend. He said he'd think about it (going to be a no)... Then he asked me who this other guy was that I like... and I told him. It's him. I think I scared him. I let him know that I actually DO want to go to the movies as JUST friends, and that I don't want us to be weird around each other... But, I think I scared him and he will be weird.
I'm already regreting that I told him. Bah-hum-bug!!!!!

Gah!

Aaron has been very vocal about the fact that he no longer cares (at all) about myself or Wyatt.

On Thursday I brought Wyatt to school. Aaron told Charlotte that he knows the only reason I brought Wyatt in was to piss him off. If he doesn't care AT ALL about myself or Wyatt, why would me bringing Wyatt in piss him off?

On Friday at lunch, Aaron, Jeremy, and 2 others went out for lunch. Aaron, being the showoff that he is, almost got into a few accidents. Jeremytoldme about it on the bus. I came home and I cried. All I could do was think about the "what if's"... I cried and cried. I don't want to lose Jeremy. And I think, that made me realize how much I like him.

Tomorrow (Monday) Alyssa and Aaron are going somewhere at lunch. I FUCKING HATE THAT! I hate the fact that he's taking my friends away from me. I hate the fact that he doesn't want me to be friends with Jeremy, then he turns around and decides to be friends with Alyssa... she was MINE first =(

Gah. I like Jeremy, and I want to be his girlfriend. And, I think I should tell him.

Karma...

is a bitch. I've met her.









Will write later... lots to talk about... Need erm... meh, need something.

Why?

Tonight on the bus, I was having really bad cramps, soI was cuddled over, like, clenching my tummy. Jeremy put his arms around me, he rubbed my back, and he kissed my forehead.
Why does he do things that make me like him even more?

Saturday Morning Thoughts...

Both Charlotte and Alyssa thinks that Jeremy likes me. Alyssa is going to find out for me on Tuesday so I know if something might possibly happen, or if it's just shameless flirting. Alyssa thinks that he does like me, but thinks (he thinks) it would be weird because he's friend's with Aaron. I don't care - he can br friends with who ever he wants to be friends with, that doesn't mean I have to be friends with them.
It has really started to hit me that the last time I was out was in February 2006. Not meaning drinking/drugs kind of out, just meaning... out. I would kill to go to the movies. I was thinking about asking Jeremy to go to Liquid with me this weekend, but Alyssa doesn't have any room left in the veichel... so I'm screwed. I would love to go to the movies with him though.
I like him.
My adorable son stepped on my laptop... now I have some dead pixels on the monitor. Geeze!
Today, I was acting single. I mean, I've always acted single when I was around Jeremy, but I finally acted like it around others. I was flirting with 2 guys in my 4th period and they were flirting back. One even called me cute. I'm not interested in them, but it's fin to be able to flirt again without worring about your boyfriend flipping out on you.
Lately it's been really hitting me about Wyatt. I mean, I love him, I always have. But it's been hitting me about how much I do love him. I don't know what my life would be like without him, but him being in my life, makes me life worth living. He is the only reason my heart keeps beating. What would I do without him?

Gah! I hate writing multiple topic entries, because I can never think of a title... Unless I combine all the topics to make the title... But I don't like doing that... haha

Walking Zombie, Chubbers, GO AWAY!!!

I feel like a damn walking zombie. I'm living off of 5 hours of sleep within the past 2 days. Last night I got 3 hours, and the night before I got 2 hours of sleep! And, I think I'm comming down with something, because I feel like shit. Wyatt's sick too, and so is Ashton.

On other news, I made Jeremy pop another chubber on the bus, haha!

And Aaron now told his brother that my friends are "attacking" him. Blech. I'm sooooo over with him. I wish he would fall off the face of the earth. Seriously.

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let myself like a guy that it'll never happen with? Why do I let myself like a guy who'll never like me back?

First Time...

You know when you're looking at someone... and that person is all you see. You don't see the other people around, you don't see what's behind that person, you don't see what's beside that person, you only see that person?

I had that today... for the first time.

We were sitting on the bus together, and I was just staring at him the entire time, playing with his hair. Just sitting with him on a school bus makes me happy. Then, he got off, and (the other) Jeremy simply says "You still want him!?" Yes, yesssss!

Why do I want him?! Why do I like him?!
But I do... I do like him. I do want him... to be my boyfriend. Plus, he wouldn't rush anything - which is exactly what I'm looking for right now. I want relationship, but I don't want to have sex or say that stupid "L" word for a while. A long while.

My 2nd Mother's Day

...we good. Great even.
Martin came downstairs to ask me what I took in my coffee at like 7:30am. By 8-ish, he brought me a coffee and 2 scratch tickets. I had to get up at 8:30 - so that coffee realllly helped! Then, Wyatt and I got ready to go to WalMart to get our pictures done. It didn't go as well as I had hoped, but I did get some good shots. Two shots of both of us, three of him alone, and one of me... since I needed 7 frames, but he was DONE! The pictures will be in on... June 3rd, I believe. Then, we came home, ate lunch, and had a nap. We got up around 4, and got a call from Paula saying that she was leaving. So, just a little after 5, Paula and Aleyah show up. Aleyah and Wyatt played for a little while, and Paula and I exchanged Mother's Day gifts. They left, I took a shower, then Wyatt went to bed, and I stayed on here.

I feel soooo cheap about the gifts though! I bought Paula a charm that says "MOM" with the "O" in the shape of a heart with a diamond. That was $20. And Cubic Zarconia Square Stud Pink earrings, which were $10. A little candle. $3. But, she bought me 4 things that seem more expensive than those 3 things... know what I mean? She bought me black flipflops with skulls, a cellphone case with a dangling pink skull, a double keychain, and a necklace/lip gloss set. I really hope my mom and I go somewhere tomorrow - just so I can wear my flipflops up town! haha!

Here are two pictures of Wyatt & Aleyah. They're going to make fucking adorable babies one day!









And... I don't think I mentioned that Aaron started MORE shit yesterday. I guess I'm dating Jeremy, and I'm scum for it since he's 2 years younger. And, that I cheated on Aaron with Jeremy (obviously when we were together). And that if I don't stop talking to Jeremy, Aaron is going to make my life a living hell, because he's not going to let me "ruin his best friend's life". UGG! Just what I need - to lose friends because of a fucking retarded breakup! I was upstairs eating lunch, came downstairs and saw 4 messages from Aaron on my laptop, since I was signed in to MSN. UGGGGGG! So, I called his brother about it because I'm sooo fucking sick and tired of it! I can't even put up with him anymore! Shouldn't I be the one trying to ruin his life!? He dumped me for another girl... GAHHHH!!! I sooo want to drop out of my 4th period class, just because Aaron's in that class. Which is stupid because I have a GREAT mark, and I have the class again next year, just a higher - more advance level.

*&^^$&#^&$^)$*)^&$(*^$

That's all I have to say to him. It's so bad, I don't even know how to spell it!!! GAH!



Ok... I'm all better. I'm glad that shit happened on Saturday so it didn't ruin my Mother's Day. Ohh, Wyatt didn't see Lloyd on Saturday, which was fine with me =)

i.like.him

Honestly.





Seriously.





I do.






I like Jeremy.

A Song...

...dedicated to Aaron...

FURB (by Frankee)


See I don't know why you cryin' like a bitch
Talkin' shit like a snitch
**oh why you write a song 'bout me**
If you really didn't care
You wouldn't wanna share
Tellin' everybody just how you feel

Fuck what I did was your fault somehow
Fuck the presents, I threw all that shit out
Fuck all the cryin' it didn't mean jack
Well guess what yo, fuck you right back

Fuck what I did was your fault somehow
Fuck the presents, I threw all that shit out
Fuck all the cryin' it didn't mean jack
Well guess what yo, fuck you right back

You thought you, you could really make me moan
I had better sex all alone (ha ha ha ha)
I had to turn to your friend
Now you want me to come back
You must be smokin' crack
Im goin' else where and thats a fact

Fuck all those nights I moaned real loud
Fuck it, I faked it, aren't you proud
Fuck all those nights you thought you broke my back
Well guess what yo, your sex was wack

Fuck all those nights I moaned real loud
Fuck it, I faked it, aren't you proud
Fuck all those nights you thought you broke my back
Well guess what yo, your sex was wack

You questioned did I care
Maybe I would have
If you woulda gone down there
Now it's over
But I do admit I'm glad
I didn't catch your crabs
**I can't sweat that**
Cos I got to go

Fuck what I did was your fault somehow
Fuck the presents, I threw all that shit out
Fuck all the cryin' it didn't mean jack
Well guess what yo, fuck you right back.






Sigh... I feel better.

Guys = Idiots!

Lets start from the begining...

I email him saying I thought we were going to be friends, he says I'm the one not talking to him... blah blah blah.

Then, he turns around and says that I'm making Charlotte be a bitch to him. Last time I checked, Charlotte hated him from the begining.
And, I'm telling Jeremy not to get a ride home from him. Well, sorry! You hang out with him in the morning AND lunch, so of course I want to hang out with him on the fucking 5 minute bus ride! Geeze. So, apparently, I want Jeremy's dick... Which I do, but that's besides the point.

He also told me that he saw me go down on Jeremy on the bus. Yea, because I'm such a fucking slut. And, after I "finished", Jeremy slapped me. I hope he realizes that people will not think "haha, Ashley got slapped by Jeremy" they're going to think "WTF! Jeremy slapped a girl?!" So... he's ruining Jer's life too.

And... did you know that I abused Aaron?! I didn't know I did. That lie is enough to get Wyatt taken away from me. I will SERIOUSLY hurt him if he gets my baby taken away from me. Fucking loser!

In the email, he mentioned how I'm "fucking with him" and because of that, he's going to "make my life a living hell" Fucking great. Well, it's working.

One more thing... When we were together, I was begggging him to bring me to prom. Since I'm not graduating, I have to go with someone that is, and since Aaron is, I thought we could go. We were boyfriend and girlfriend afterall. But he said no because he doesn't want to go. Well, guess who's going?! Yup, he's going. With her. AND HE ASKED HER! So... obviously he was too ashamed of me to bring me. It hurts to find out that your boyfriend was that ashamed of you.

It hurts even more to find out he's actually trying to make your life a living hell.

HER***

Aaron brought HER to bowling tonight. I realllly hope Jeremy doesn't like her... as a friend. I lost Aaron to her, I don't want to lose Jeremy to her either. Is it selfish of me to not want him to even be friends with her? I don't want him to be friends with the reason that Aaron and I broke up.
I like Jeremy... more now. It's sad. I really do like him. But, it'll never happen. So, that's ok... I guess. We can be flirty friends, haha.

"Post Breakup Partum Disease" Part 2

Definitely.

So, I have caught a little school girl crush. A guy in my Religion class. He doesn't even know my name, or the simple fact that I exist.

Also, I have caught a "real" crush? On Jeremy... joyyyy! Geeze, the poor kid is 2 years younger than me. But he's such a sweetie. He jokingly treated me better than Aaron and Lloyd did... put together.

Also... I've been asked out twice. By Ryan (the ex) and by this fag in my first class. I DO NOT want to date Kevin (1st class) and he won't take the hint! WTF! I don't want to date Ryan either. He's slept around too much, and he's such a cheater! I can't do that to myself again.

The sad this is that I want to date Jeremy. But, I can't do that to him. He's still friend's with Aaron... I don't want Aaron hating him because of me. Also, he's only 16... I don't think he wants to be a "part-time parent" at only 16.

"Post Breakup Partum Disease"

Haha, thanks to Emily, PBPD is the official name for when you notice the guys in your class that you never noticed before.
Being on a Religion Retreat, having to sit in the same room all day long, with the same group of people all day long... It makes you notice people.
He has blue eyes, and looks... looks... like he'd be good in bed. LOL! Seriously though. He's super cute. And it's just a little crush, because he doesn't even know my name... and who dates the teenage mommy? NO ONE! Except for Aaron... But I think he didn't realize that being a "parent" wasn't all fun and games. But yea... No sane teenage guy would date a teenage mom. So.. I'll be single for a whlie, which I'm fine with. I'll just stay with the crushing and the day-dreaming about them in bed =) LOL!

Gah! He's a loser!

Ok... Even though I said I wouldn't... I'm going to. I can't (don't want to) keep any damn secrets for that mother fucker.

Saturday afternoon he tells me to call him at night, so we can have phone sex. I'm calling & calling, he's not answering. I'm on MSN talking & crying to Heather and Emily about him not answering. Turns out, she was there on Saturday night. The night he told me to call him, they're making out and he's asking her out.

Soo... they officially started dating Saturday, May 3rd, 2008. Remember that date.

Sunday night, Aaron and I are talking on MSN. He asks me to send him naked pictures of myself. Then, he tells me to call him as soon as my mom gets off the phone so we can have phone sex. Then, he tells me... "I get the car tomorrow, want to go to my house for 'lunch'?" (tomorrow meaning Monday & 'lunch' means sex... obviously). Then, when I call him, he decides to tell me they're dating! HAHAHAH!

Smooth buddy! Not even 24hrs of dating and you're already fucking up the relationship. Then, he has the balls to say to me... "Don't screw this up for me. If you truely love me, you'll let me have this" LMFAO!

I hope she breaks his heart, like he broke mine...
And when she breaks his heart, like he broke mine... I will not be there to pick up the pieces.

He's a mother fucking loser and a half. I'm glad I'm done.

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Answer Me This...

How can someone plan a life with you... and then change in one weekend?
How can someone plan on marrying you, and moving in with you, plan kids with you... Plan a LIFE with you, and just... change... in one weekend?



How can someone tell you he loves you... then forget about you once he sees her...

It's Over.

Officially.
He's dating some new mother fucking slut.